From Dump to Dewy: The Wild World of Poo in Beauty & Skincare

We humans will try anything in the name of beauty- vampire facials, bee venom masks, cactus water toners. But just when you think we’ve hit peak weird, skincare takes a nosedive into the litter box.

We’ve sipped cat crap coffee. We’ve nibbled on yak-dung cheese. And now, brave reader, we arrive at the final frontier of feces: beauty treatments.

Yes, people aren’t just ingesting bizarre biological leftovers- they’re smearing them on their faces, massaging them into their décolletage, and calling it “radiance.” From powdered bird poop once adored by Japanese geishas to snail slime with a mysterious digestive twist, welcome to The Poo Files: Skincare Edition. It’s our final flush in the saga of crap-as-couture, and it’s... well, it’s a lot.

Is it ancient wisdom or deeply repressed trauma? The line is smudged. Possibly with guano.

You wanted dewy. You’re getting doo-doo.

(And hey, if your beauty routine is already out there, why not complete the look? Browse our Women’s Collection or Men’s Collection to channel your inner majestic creature- no poop required.)

File this under: weirdly elegant. In certain niche markets (especially in parts of China and Japan), panda poop has been brewed into an ultra-luxurious tea- and yes, that same tea is now being marketed as a toner. Why panda poop, you ask? Because pandas have terrible digestion and poop up to 40 times a day, leaving behind fiber-rich droppings full of bamboo antioxidants.

Some skincare enthusiasts are now harnessing panda poop tea for its supposed anti-inflammatory, anti-aging, and glow-boosting effects. The idea is that bamboo polyphenols (from the panda’s diet) survive digestion and can be extracted into liquid skincare toners that "detoxify" the skin.

It’s expensive, rare, and vaguely unsettling- but if your toner has Je ne sais poo, you’re apparently doing skincare right.

Okay, this one’s a little different- but it deserves honorary mention. Edible bird’s nests- especially those made by cave-dwelling swiftlets- are constructed almost entirely out of hardened bird saliva. That saliva, after being cleaned and soaked, is used in everything from soups to sheet masks.

Packed with glycoproteins and amino acids, bird nest extract is believed to promote collagen production, firm the skin, and hydrate like a dream. High-end skincare brands in Asia tout it as “nature’s hyaluronic acid”- but let’s be real: it’s still regurgitated bird spit.

Still, it’s beloved in traditional Chinese medicine and luxury skincare circles. So if you’re not ready to commit to full-on feces, bird nests offer a spit-adjacent compromise.

It may sound like the worst sushi roll on the menu, but this centuries-old Japanese skincare treatment was no joke. Geishas used nightingale droppings- yes, actual bird poop- to exfoliate and brighten their skin.

Today’s version is a little less...fresh. The poop is sterilized, dried, and powdered before being added to high-end masks and spa treatments. Thanks to a unique enzyme called guanine, this feathered fertilizer is said to gently lift dead skin cells and give you that signature “shit-glow” (that’s a compliment now, apparently).

Modern luxury spas in Tokyo, London, and even L.A. offer “bird poop facials,” sometimes under fancier names like Geisha Glow Treatment. Just know that if your esthetician starts chirping mid-session, it’s probably part of the ambiance. Or not.

In Ayurveda, cow dung is more than just a pasture problem- it’s sacred. It’s been used for centuries in rituals, medicine, and yes, even skincare.

Dried and purified cow dung (key word: purified) is mixed into soaps, face masks, and rejuvenating creams in India. Believers say it detoxifies the skin, clears blemishes, and connects you to ancient healing energy. Skeptics say... moo?

Either way, if you’ve ever described your skincare routine as “earthy,” this might be your holy grail. Or holy cow.

You already know about snail mucin- a beloved K-beauty staple that’s praised for hydrating, plumping, and healing the skin. But some high-end formulations go a step further, incorporating the enzymatic richness of snail waste. Yep, we’re talking about actual snail poop extract.

Turns out those slimy little trails they leave behind? They’re not just goo. They’re enzyme-packed, zinc-rich, and full of microbial goodness that skincare scientists swear by.

It’s slow beauty at its finest- literally. Snails may not rush, but they might just race your skin to the glow-up finish line.

If you thought birds and cows were weird, meet the glow-up from the cave: bat guano. Often harvested from fruit bats, this nitrogen-rich excrement has made its way into the beauty world for its (admittedly impressive) skin-rejuvenating properties.

High-end spas sometimes incorporate bat guano into detoxifying facial masks, claiming it helps exfoliate, nourish, and oxygenate the skin. Think of it as a deep jungle facial. Just don’t think about where it came from.

Also, it is a biohazard if not properly treated- so maybe don't DIY this one.

History says Cleopatra bathed in milk. History also says she may have slathered donkey dung on her face. Because when you’re the Queen of the Nile, your skincare routine doesn’t have to make sense to peasants.

Donkey dung, supposedly rich in natural acids and minerals, was believed to reduce wrinkles, smooth skin tone, and bless you with ageless beauty. Today, some niche brands have revived this ancient “secret” with donkey dung facials and products.

Bonus: it pairs nicely with a dramatic eyeliner wing and complete denial about what’s in your moisturizer.

It’s easy to laugh (we did, a lot), but there’s a strange logic behind the madness. Across ancient cultures, poop wasn’t just waste- it was medicine, ritual, and renewal. In Ayurvedic and traditional Japanese practices, for example, the source of the excrement mattered: if the animal was revered or symbolized purity (like the cow in India), its droppings were seen as spiritually cleansing and physically restorative. It’s less “ew” and more “enlightenment.”

But on a less mystical level, there’s one dirty little secret: poop is packed with active ingredients- like natural enzymes, bacteria (the good kind), nitrogen compounds, and sometimes even antimicrobial peptides. If you sterilize it properly (and please, do), you’re left with exfoliating powerhouses and skin-friendly nutrients that rival synthetic lab formulas.

Also… marketing. Once someone realizes that "deep jungle detoxifying microflora mask" actually means “bat poop paste,” it's already $185 a jar and trending on TikTok.

Let’s not forget the allure of “ancient beauty secrets,” either. If Cleopatra did it, we’ll buy it. If a geisha glowed from it, we want it. And if a panda pooped it, someone somewhere has already made it into toner.

In short: It’s the perfect storm of tradition, microbiome science, social media hype, and just enough gross-out factor to go viral. Literally.

Across cultures and centuries, poop (and poop-adjacent substances) have been viewed as medicinal, magical, or mysteriously purifying. What we flush today, ancient societies sometimes prized. 

• Enzymes & Microbes: Many animal droppings contain natural enzymes, probiotics, and nitrogen-rich compounds that, when properly sterilized, can have skin benefits like exfoliation, anti-inflammatory effects, or microbial balance.

• Traditional Medicine: Ayurveda, Traditional Chinese Medicine, and Japanese beauty rituals often involve unconventional natural ingredients- including dung- as sacred, healing substances.

• Desperation + Marketing = $$$: Let’s be honest- modern beauty trends have a flair for the extreme. If it’s weird, ancient, and wrapped in luxury branding, someone will pay $200 for it and claim it changed their life.

In short: It’s the perfect storm of tradition, microbiome science, social media hype, and just enough gross-out factor to go viral.

So while modern science may raise eyebrows, beauty marketers raise prices- and somewhere between tradition and trend, poop keeps finding its way onto people’s faces.

(Until someone invents llama pee toner. And they will.)

If you’re glowing, you’re welcome. If you’re emotionally scarred… also fair. If your pores are gleaming and your dignity slightly dimmed, you’re not alone. We’ve traveled across species and centuries to bring you the boldest, most bizarre beauty breakthroughs feces can offer. And we’ve unearthed ancient beauty secrets, climbed into bat caves, and followed snails for blocks- all in the name of research (and radiant cheekbones).

As for me, I let Nutasha smear sterilized nightingale poop on my forehead "just to try it." Now she’s calling herself a skincare shaman and offering guano facials out of our tree.

We're booked through fall.

As for me, I’ve decided my next treatment will involve zero animal byproducts, no mysterious enzymes, and absolutely nothing that can be described as “slime-adjacent.” I’m going back to good old-fashioned oatmeal masks and pretending I didn’t spend three days reading about panda poop tea toners.

If you need me, I’ll be curled up under a fern leaf with a cold spoon on my puffy eyes and a strong desire to never smell anything “earthy” again.

Stay glowing. Stay weird. And remember: not all beauty secrets need to come from a digestive tract.

Your friend,

Squirrel
The Reluctant Beauty Influencer & Nut-Based Life Coach Squirrel

P.S. Nutasha wants to launch a skincare line called “Glow From Below.” I told her we’re already on thin ice with the neighborhood raccoons.